I Didn’t Know What I Was Doing — So I Just Started Anyway

I didn’t have a roadmap.
I didn’t have a mentor.
I didn’t even know if I was cut out for this.

All I had was a question in my head:

“What if I tried this — just to see?”

No dream job lined up.
No big vision of being a developer.
Just a vague idea that maybe, somehow, this could be something.

But let me tell you:
From the very first day,
I had no clue what I was doing.
And I started anyway.

Fear Was Always There

I wasn’t fearless.
I was just tired of waiting.

I was scared I’d waste time.
Scared I’d mess up.
Scared I’d look stupid.
Scared it was already too late.

And deep down, a voice kept whispering:

“You’re not smart enough for this.”
“People like you don’t become developers.”
“You’re not a math person. You’re not a ‘tech’ person.”

That voice never fully disappeared.
It’s quieter now — but still visits.
Especially when I hit a wall, or when I see someone younger doing more.

But here’s the truth I learned the hard way:

The fear doesn’t leave.
You just get louder than it.

I Didn’t Wait to “Feel Ready”

Everyone says,

“Start when you’re ready.”
But no one talks about the fact that ready never comes.

I could’ve waited forever.

For the perfect time.
For the right mood.
For a better laptop.
For confidence.
For approval.

But what I had was right now.
Messy, confused, doubtful — but now.

So I opened a blank file.
Typed <!DOCTYPE html>.
Had no idea what I was doing.

And hit save anyway.

Confused But Curious

I didn’t understand half of what I was reading.
Sometimes I copied code just to see what it did.
I didn’t know terms. I didn’t know the “why.”
But I stayed curious.

And little by little, curiosity turned into clarity.

I stopped trying to be perfect.
I stopped trying to learn everything at once.
I let myself just begin — without the pressure to “arrive” immediately.

“Start ugly. Start broken. Start scared. But start.”

The Solo Grind

There was no team behind me.
No teacher guiding me.
No one reviewing my code or cheering me on.

It was me… and a browser tab open to W3Schools.
It was me… replaying a tutorial 6 times.
It was me… failing silently, over and over.

But something happened in that silence.
I grew.

Not because I “figured it out.”
But because I stopped waiting to feel qualified.

I chose motion over mastery.
And that motion turned into momentum.

If You’re In That Place — This Is for You

You don’t need a 10-step plan.
You don’t need confidence yet.
You don’t need permission.

All you need is the courage to move — even when it feels like you’re crawling.

You might not know what you’re doing.

Good.

That’s where the real story starts.

Every expert was once a beginner who moved forward confused.

Final Words (But Not Really the End)

So no, I wasn’t ready when I started.
I still don’t feel “ready” most days.

But I look back at that version of me —
The one who had every reason to wait, and still showed up?

That version changed my entire future.

I didn’t start because I was fearless.
I started because I was done waiting.

And maybe that’s the only difference between the ones who made it and the ones who didn’t.

They started confused.

And they just didn’t stop.